Filtered to Leon

[rubyredstained]

Leon...

I am so embarrassed.

Spectre's been dealing with some shite lately which means the new album isn't due to start recording for two weeks. And that's kind of when it was supposed to be done... Our label doesn't want to continue with us because we're taking too long. That's not the problem, however. Roadrunner Records wants to pick Spectre up and that's a big deal. It's a much bigger label and that's great and everything but apparently they have a stipulation in mind.

If I stay with the band, I have to lose weight.

Spectre went off his nut at them, but so far they're the only other label that want us. And can I really justify everyone else losing their jobs because I'm a fatty?

I feel like shit. Absolute shit. I am in shape, I dance, I work in a cafe, I walk everywhere. I'm very healthy because my mothers are big hippies. I'm just curvy. To lose more weight, I would actually have to be unhealthy and I'm not willing to do that!

I don't know what to do. And I don't want anyone else to know.

Comments

[thetimewehave.livejournal.com]

Don't do it, Ser. This whole thing sound full of ick.

See I think, your health is the most important thing, and if you start eating less or working out more then your energy levels are going to suffer (to say nothing of your mood, your self esteem) and that's going to effect your music, in the long run. If you feel like shit now, think about how you'll feel in a year or so, maybe the band will be going well but are you going to be okay, knowing that you've had to change yourself to get where you are? Is the sacrifise of the way you live worth it?

I shouldn't have said 'don't do it' like that cos I sound like a bit of a dick, but I'm leaving it in so you know how I feel. But no one has the right to tell you what you should do with your own body, no one should try and bribe you into being any different with the promise of a record label or anything else. If they'd asked you to change your music style, would you? Play their songs instead of your own?

Do you really want a career with a label where the first thing they've ever asked of you has made you feel like shit? What if they keep asking more? What if none of you can ever change enough?

I do have a few scraps of faith left in the music industry; there has to be someone out there ready to take you all on, as you are, because of who you are.

I'm really mad at them.

[rubyredstained.livejournal.com]

I think you're pretty brilliant, Leon. Because I didn't want to do it, but I'm too angry to be able to come up with coherent reasons why this sucks arse. So that you for spelling it out for me when I don't have the brainpower to do so. I don't want to change who I am. I like who I am and my music is a part of that. Dammit.

You don't sound like a dick, Leon. I am the last person who would think that anyway. Really really. I would not change my style, so I shouldn't change me either. I just...hate that this means either I leave the band or we all struggle until we find a label that will take us, flab and all. The fact that I am the only one they had an issue with does not help me though. I feel disgusting. I never felt like that until today. I always thought I was fine. Yuck oh yuck.

I hope there's another label out there. Otherwise we're fucked, and I really liked this band and touring and making this music. I really did.

So am I, Love. For many many reasons. They're already toying with my self-worth, augh. I should not feel guilty for eating, this is not right!! I've seen what happens to people when they don't eat! My poor Godric did it right in front of my eyes and Noah's doing it now. They turn into husks of themselves and I will not be a husk. Dammit. I.Will.Not.

[thetimewehave.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty fond of who you are too.

For your music, and your art, and how gutsy you are, how easily and strongly you love. And I don't think much of a record label who can't see any of that because they're too focussed on your belly. Somewhere along the way they've forgotten that it's supposed to be about music.

Lucky for the world there's still people like you and me.

[rubyredstained.livejournal.com]

I'm fond of who you are!! We can be fond of each other. That works for me.

I wish I could just brush this off as the bullshit it is. But I feel so goddamned ugly. I'm not going to change, but I can't help how gross it's made me feel.

[thetimewehave.livejournal.com]

Well maybe you shouldn't brush it off, maybe you need to seriously RAGE. Get out there, talk to people, call up the media, blog about it, go to open mic nights and recite angry beat poetry, whatever, get people to listen and get them as angry as you are. Use all the guilt and all the ugly and all the gross that they've thrust on you and use it to shatter something wrong with the world.

[rubyredstained.livejournal.com]

I can rage.

(Though at first I have to admit I thought you were going to tell me to lose weight even after all of this, so maybe I should get past the feeling guilty part first.)

I can try to shatter something that's wrong with the world. I want to.

After I curl up and die.

Not so strong right now.

[thetimewehave.livejournal.com]

Come curl up with me, I'll tell you how far from ugly you are.

[rubyredstained.livejournal.com]

Are you being suggestive, Mr MacArthur?

[thetimewehave.livejournal.com]

Just honest.

[rubyredstained.livejournal.com]

I seriously love you.

[thetimewehave.livejournal.com]

I seriously love you too.