Filtered to Ben

[rubyredstained]

I know you might not want to talk about it, but I wanted to say something. And that something is...



I love you, Ben. And I know you're not okay, but I hope... Well. I don't know what I hope, but I hope it.

I am not angry with you, or with my mother. I thought it was important that you knew.

Comments

[rubyredstained.livejournal.com]

Because shit happens. Because I know, more than anything, that you guys love me; love all of us. And that's more important that anything else. Because my birth father died when I was a baby and I have never had to feel like I didn't have a father. Not once. Because you're human and humans fuck up sometimes.

And because, let's face it, Elaine wouldn't see this as a bad thing anyway. She and Kristen believe in free love and so she actually would not understand the idea of cheating. So I can't fault her because I understand how her mind works, and I...look, I think you did the wrong thing. So did I. For years. And years and years. And when you found out, you didn't judge me. You loved me.

I understand why Noah's upset, though I don't want to get in to my feelings on his reaction to all this. I'm just not.

[thatoldgeek.livejournal.com]

I love you so much, Serenity. Thank you so much for this.

[rubyredstained.livejournal.com]

I love you so much too, Ben. Thank you for being you. And also, you're welcome.

Do you want me to come see you now, or to give it a few days?

[thatoldgeek.livejournal.com]

I'd love to see you, actually. Both Andy and Noah have left and I don't know if either of them are ever going to forgive me for lying to them and driving their mother away.

I should have told them... it was just never the right time and I was too cowardly.

[rubyredstained.livejournal.com]

Ben. Noah will forgive you because you are his favourite person in the world. He might feel betrayed right now, but eventually he'll realise all that other stuff you did for him is so much more important. And Andy is just doing what she sees Noah doing. She's sad too, yes, but she'll get over it eventually just like Noah will. And you did not drive Emily away. Or...it wasn't only you. That was the final nail in a huge coffin that would have...been nailed anyway. Oh god, phrasing. You know what I mean. Do you really think you guys would have reconciled if you hadn't slept with Mum? Don't take this all on yourself.

Yes, you probably should have told them. Does it make you a terrible person that you didn't? No.

[thatoldgeek.livejournal.com]

How did you get to be so wise beyond your years?

[rubyredstained.livejournal.com]

So...I was raised by these hippie lesbians, right? And they're lovely ladies but a little flighty. They didn't treat me like a kid, they treated me like a grownup. And then I had this awesome dad-guy, right? And he was always talking to me with these big words and those words expanded my tiny mind. And then I dated a dumbshit and did other dumb things and had a friend who went through terrible things and grew up quick...

Probably some combination of all of that.

I'll be there soon, Ben. ♥